Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
