I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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