She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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