my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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