I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
The power of my boobs compel you
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