Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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