I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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