K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She told me I should be a condom model.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
