I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
