And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
