Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize