Don't you send me to vm
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
