well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize
