I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
