I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
