remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
