the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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