my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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