i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
