I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
