My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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