hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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