Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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