I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Randomize
