went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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