We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
