You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
