her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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