he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
