The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
