We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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