Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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