I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
