he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
