and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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