omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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