He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
