I feel like I'm in dance class right now
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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