Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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