fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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