went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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