someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
When are your genitals available?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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