I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
how do flat chested girls get laid?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
