i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
