I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
i think im in europe. pls send help
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize