Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
