The maid of honor just puked.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize