So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
