I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
this hospital has no fireball
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
