Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
no you cant smoke seaweed
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
