A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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