and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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