Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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