This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
