Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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