I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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