Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
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