He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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