Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
