Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
