I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize