Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
tonight lets celebrate not being married
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize