Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
