You don't have asthma, your pregnant
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
