Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
