Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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