I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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