so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
