I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
