So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
