i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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