omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize