Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
