Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
