my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
this will be a night to untag.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Randomize
