Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
