Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize