CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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