bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
