Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
