I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
